Tag Archives: Tesco

Eon’s HES in total fail

SOME OF you will know that Eon spun off its home support unit and created a new company called Home Energy Services (HES) in some kind of deal.

I had a contract with Eon for it to look after my boiler and stuff, and HES was supposed to service my boiler as part of the annual contract.

Here’s the audit trail – so far:

2 June 2014: Your HES central heating annual service is due.
16 June 2014: Your HES central heating appointment has been scheduled between 12:00 and 16:00 on 20 June 2014. No show
16 June 2014: Your HES central heating appointment has been scheduled between 08:00 and 12:00 on 1 July 2014.  No show
29 June 2014: Here’s a reminder that your HES central heating appointment is scheduled between 08:00 and 12:00 on 1 July 2014. No show
1 July 2014: Hello. Your HES central heating engineer Jamie Spearman is on their (sic) way No show
1 July 2014: Your HES central heating appointment has been scheduled between 16:00 and 20:00 on 1 July 2014. Thank you. No show
2 July 2014: Your HES central heating appointment has been scheduled between 08:00 and 12:00 on 5 July 2014. Thank you. No show
7 July 2014: Your HES central heating appointment has been scheduled between 10:00 and 14:00 on 24 July 2014. Thank you. No show yet…

Now what could possibly have gone wrong?  According to the charming people at the Call Centre there is no such address in Mill Street as the one I live in. Strange, then, that Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Ocado and every man+dog can find my address, isn’t it?

“If you would like to book your service by telephone, you can call us on 0345 872 85903”  Oh, I know, I know…

Here are four great books I’ve read in the last 10 days

There can be no doubt that up in the Marriott, in 4th Street, Tom Foremski perhaps made the best joke ever. The best jokes are mantras. Tom relayed a story of a guy who had thrown himself off the Empire State Building and was overheard to say, half way down, “so far, so good”.  We all hit the pavement or sidewalk eventually.

His book – In my Humble Experience, is a collation of articles that show a different side of Silicon Valley.  As yours truly has been holed up near La Honda for the last four days and night, sometimes dipping into Woodside, we can affirm there is a different, higher side to the Valley (surely Valet, Ed?). We love chapter 19 – Die, press release, die! Die! Die! – Foremski had been hinting strongly that the PR machine had a few cogs loose – because press releases are nearly useless.  They’re created by committees, edited by lawyers, and then vast amounts of moolah are spent to get this stuff into the spam filters of countless journalists. “This madness has to end,” points out Foremski. Aptly. But it hasn’t yet ended.

In my hide hole in the mountains near La Honda, where many an eagle quails, where the coyotes shriek, and where you can always at least descend to Woodside to stalk Larry the Man and Jobs the Steve,   we pondered long and hard on Divining a Digital Future, penned by the Professor, nay Good Doctor, Genevieve “I got water from frogs” Bell from La Intella and by Paul Dourish too. Bell indicates, says this dense tome, that the UK exists within “a set of competing hubs of social activity”, including pubs, gardens, community centres and sporting facilities. “People move between these local hubs, frequently without first going home,” the book avers.  Going down the pub, however, is harder and harder these days in good old Blighty because so many of them are closing down, or are geschloten already. It’s cigarettes, see. Cigarettes, or rather the lack of cigarettes, are the cancer sticks that are shutting down pubs down and giving strength to the Tesco elbow. Or is it that the major pub chains seek to capitalise on their extensive property portfolios and delude the shareholders with tales of Starbucks anew? This is a dense read, but well worth reading.

And so from science fact to science function, sorry fiction.  In his Science Fiction Prototyping, by Intel chap Brian David Johnson, he argues rather persuasively that it would be really good if there could be more sci-fi around. I kind of agree; it is a bit of an outdated genre though, as witness this passage from the clearly charming Roger Zelazny in Lord of Light: “Yama snorted: ‘The rod of Trimurti still falls upon the back of men. Nirriti stirs within his dark lair; he harasses the seaways of the south.” And: “To beauty, down with ugliness.” This is clearly based on Hinduism of a certain kind and surely cannot contribute to the shape of things to come.

Lastly, but not leastly, we turn to another of the books we’ve read while in our lair not too far from the Pacific but far enough away from Bucks in Woodside.  The Science of Light: An introduction to Vedic Astrology by Freedom Tobias Cole, who says, crucially, that developing initiation is the key to greater things. “Hard work,” says Freedom, nourishes discipline and control of the senses. “We are all busy, but we must make the time for this great study and still perform all tasks required of us in this world.” This book is thoroughly recommended too.

As Foremski’s mantra has it: “So far, so good.” (This article first appeared in TechEye.net

I have discovered an intelligent Wood Pigeon – no really

I AM FEEDING the birds with a bird feeder in my back garden.  There are Coal Tits, Blue Tits and other Finch like species taking advantage of the Tesco bounty. In the cold weather, the Robin takes advantage at ground level of spilled seed.

But lo! What’s this? Two days back I observed a Wood Pigeon, not the brightest of birds, just sitting quietly amongst the fallen apples, waiting for seeds to fall from the feeder, just sitting very quietly indeed.

And then today the Wood Pigeon really went off on one.  It decided to take matters into its own, er, claws.  It flew up onto the branch where the feeder is, and did a kind of jig so that seeds would fall off and it could eat them.

This is the most intelligent Wood Pigeon in the world because it is a Wood Pigeon Entrepreneur. Even Cock Robin was aghast at its gall. I will catch a picture, when and if  I can.  Birds seem to be a bit nervous in my back yard, in Oxford.  It’s probably something to do with the railways, and the foxes. As an investigative journalist, I will capture this clever Wood Pigeon. And interview it, if possible.  

BAA wants to fingerprint everybody

AS IF HEATHROW AIRPORT ISN’T HORRID enough already, when Terminal Five opens this later this week the British Airports Authority (BAA) as was – now it’s owned by a Spanish company, wants to take our fingerprints if we tip up in its cavernous hall.

The problem is that domestic and international travellers will mingle with each other in the shopping areas of Term Five – and BAA claims it wants to prevent the possibility of an international passenger meeting a domestic passenger when they meet in Harrods or another grocer emporium in the airport and swap boarding cards.

terminalfive.jpg

Yeah, well this has caused quite a bit of a stink here in Compliant Blighty. The Information Commissioner has said BAA has got no right to go fingerprinting anyone it wants to, while BAA has said it consulted with the Immigration Department and this is what it recommended.

BAA reckons that it will get rid of the fingerprints within 24 hours and they’ll be encrypted, but it misses the fundamental point that it’s a commercial outfit, and no one has granted it any rights to take dabs apart from itself. The Information Commissioner reckons that any passengers facing finger printing should just say no to the insecurity guys. Yeah right. Why are domestic passengers mingling with international passengers? Yeah – it’s so they can take advantage of the fantastic “shops” it appears and also pop into a pub for a pint of traditional British ale at more than it costs even in the heart of throbbing Soho.

The InfoComm office has got legal powers which it can exercise to sanction BAA for the creeping “surveillance society’ it’s always rabbiting on about.  But if you’re a passenger in Term Five this time next week and the “insecurity officers” stop you boarding a fright because you won’t give your dabs over to a fly-by-night corporation like BAA, will that help you a jot? You could try calling the Information Commissioner on his phone – between 9AM to 5PM Monday to Friday – here, or drop him a postcard, and see if he’ll come down and help you out in office hours.

What’s next, DNA on your blinking Tesco loyalty card?  ♥

* BOGGARD More at the Thunderer, here.