Tag Archives: Jericho Health Centre

Boffins give verdict on my life span

A VISIT  to the quackeria elicited some interesting information about my state of health – based on chemistry, of course.

After collecting my blood last week, I tipped up at the Jericho Health Centre at 10:40 today to see the doctor and to have the nurse review my hypertension, or blood pressure as it is better known.

My BP is quite high – obviously I am not doing enough meditation and working too hard – and my cholesterol is quite high too – obviously I am eating too many bacon sandwiches although I do the five a day that’s demanded in terms of fruit and that. Though I won’t touch many vegetables, I am a fan of fruit.  My renal function is fine – unbelievably so is my liver function.

So the GP showed me a bit of software that demonstrated if I continued smoking the few fags I now smoke, drinking the few beers that I now drink, and if the BP came down, I would have a 28 percent chance of having an “event” in the next 10 years. “Event” is a doctorish euphemism for a heart attack or a stroke.

So, if I continue the way I am, I have a 48.2 percent of having an “event” in the next 10 years. Well we all die, don’t we? And 10 years of only having a 28.3 percent chance of having an event sounds really boring! Who wants to live forever? I was at Incisive Media’s Channel Awards this time last week. That was an “event”.