Boffins give verdict on my life span

A VISIT  to the quackeria elicited some interesting information about my state of health – based on chemistry, of course.

After collecting my blood last week, I tipped up at the Jericho Health Centre at 10:40 today to see the doctor and to have the nurse review my hypertension, or blood pressure as it is better known.

My BP is quite high – obviously I am not doing enough meditation and working too hard – and my cholesterol is quite high too – obviously I am eating too many bacon sandwiches although I do the five a day that’s demanded in terms of fruit and that. Though I won’t touch many vegetables, I am a fan of fruit.  My renal function is fine – unbelievably so is my liver function.

So the GP showed me a bit of software that demonstrated if I continued smoking the few fags I now smoke, drinking the few beers that I now drink, and if the BP came down, I would have a 28 percent chance of having an “event” in the next 10 years. “Event” is a doctorish euphemism for a heart attack or a stroke.

So, if I continue the way I am, I have a 48.2 percent of having an “event” in the next 10 years. Well we all die, don’t we? And 10 years of only having a 28.3 percent chance of having an event sounds really boring! Who wants to live forever? I was at Incisive Media’s Channel Awards this time last week. That was an “event”.

3 responses to “Boffins give verdict on my life span

  1. I think the only thing science cannot account for, or seems to not understand, is the random idiocy of humanity.
    We are indeed something special. Our clever uselessness astounds even our own stupidity.
    Dead meat with an opinion.

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  2. I’m in the same boat. I’m on the statins. Lipitor/Atorvastatin just got recalled today. I guess I’ll go back to Simvastatin until my doctor can advise me on what to do. I also take blood pressure medicine. Plus, I take Metformin for type 2 diabetis. This is the price for livin over farty. The meds work, but I have to get frequent blood tests. I don’t watch what I eat so much, but I’ve quit drinking alcohol. Still smoke.

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  3. Give up the ciggies MIke! That will cut your event horizon down to one possibility that you avoid by drinking a bottle of red wine just before bed time. Every night!

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