1. Gin and Tonic
Rationalisation: So refreshing, The gin eases the pain inflicted by the mozzies, while tonic has quinine so I won’t die in service in this damn place, god damn you sir!
Real Reason: I’ve got an alcohol habit.
2. Vodka & Orange (scroogedriver)
Rationalisation: I love to get my five a day fruits and five a day cheap vodka coupled with cheap orange juice just makes my daze!
Real Reason: I am a cheap bastard and just want to get pissed as a fart for practically nothing.
Rationalisation: At 6AM in the morning, there is nothing more civilized than starting the day with the finest cognac that money can buy.
Real Reason: The “gentleman” is hoping that having a large cognac first thing in the morning will help him to forget the embarrassment he obviously created last night and that he couldn’t, for some reason, remember.
Rationalisation: “As a true bred Scotsman I know for a fact that our “water of life” eases most pains in life and is also, I heard, called the alkahest” – Jock McFrock, the bekuilted engineer
Real Reason: He’s on mushrooms
Rationalisation: “I started to like and love this cocktail when I met a lovely lady in a bar in Old Taipei and she was called Margarita,” An ex-pat in Taiwan.
Real Reason: He is a recovering alcoholic.
6. Bloody Mary
Rationalisation: “The celery does me good,” conference attendee
Real Reason: Alcoholics foolishly believe that the tomatoes and celery will help them achieve their famous “five a daze”
7. Beach Boogle Goggle Google Egboddle
Rationalisation: “It is a fact, universally known, that better code is written when you’re not drunk as a skunk,” Dick Pick
Real Reason: “He is buying his drugs from Jock McFrock, and they’re not working”
8. Whisky Mac
Rationalisation: Och I have a really terRRRible cold, and a snifter of a whisky mac would not only provide me with the ginger I need for my RNA but prevent my nose being sore!
Real Reason: He hasnae got a cold at all. He’s a Campbell, nae a Mac!
9. Strega (only a cocktail in certain parts of Italia)
Rationalisation: “I have had a lovely time being a guest at your wedding. I say, do you know a good liqueur as a night cap?
Real Reason: He is trying to pick the bar lady up, and mentioning an obscure liqueur of the region to impress her. He is a prat.
10. Rhum Plantations de St James (Martinique)
Rationalisation: “And they said I couldn’t get a drink in Marrakesh,” conference attendee
Real Reason: He refused to smoke dope, pick up a boy or a girl, but where there is a will, there is away. So there is a way…