The Romans failed to wipe out the kilts

ODD OMISSION. My old mate at the INQ, Nova (Nebosja Novakovic), tells me that in Belgrade in the old days there was a colony of 20,000 Celts.

He says a Roman mission wiped them all out in an act of proto-genocide. I have been to Cologne (Köln) where apparently there was a thriving Keltic culture too at one time.

And at school I learned in my Latin lessons of the wars against the Gauls at really very interminable length.

So how come when the Romans got to Britain, they built “Hadrian’s Wall” to keep the Kelts and the Picts out of England? Is this a case of genetic isolation, just in case the poor bloody Scots invented things like Tarmacadam (MacTarmac) and Television (MacTV), which might be useful in the future for the Roman empirium to build straight, rather than crooked roads?

The Pharoahs in the past Egyptian days had battalions of Celts to fly into battle naked, displaying their bums to the Assyrians.  There probably must have been “Egyptian Single Malt” available then. Scotland, Wales, Galicia, and Ireland preserve the remnants of what must have been a great European and Asian “civilisation”.

All based on whisky, the Gaelic word usquebaugh meaning the “water of life”.  It gets cold in the bogs. Cheers!

4 responses to “The Romans failed to wipe out the kilts

  1. My brother has recently finished researching a book about the Celts and their myths, and the upshot appears to be it’s all the invention of some people who should know better and there is no genetic evidence for a widely spread Celtic people at all. There is some evidence for a bunch of redhaired sunshy people who like a drink and a good story though…

  2. The Romans rewriting history?

  3. It gets McWorse. According to the Graun, the pipes, the pipes are all wind and no skirl. Made up in London during the great middle class 18th century invention of the Fake Highlander – oh, the shame.

    My pet Scots historian says that this is all most probably true, but that the poor chap who published it is going to be in for a hefty slapping from Clan McLoon – and she knows of which she speaks, as she had the temerity to say that all that tartan malarky was much the same. Cue mucho McRanting from the heather-chewing end of the ubernats.

    (She also says that Glasgow was in fact established by the English – and it was too, under the Diocese of York – but I’m not going to argue the toss down the Gorbals. Dangerous stuff, history.)

  4. I am reporting from Belgrade live and I must tell you that there are no Celts to be seen around so Mike seems to be telling you the naked truth.

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